I feel different.
The first weekend in June, a good friend of mine and I attened a retreat for men's group leaders which was held at Franciscan University in Steubenville, OH.
I was originally under the impression that it was going to be more of a conference, where men would exchange ideas and tips on how to run men's groups/conferences better. To my surprise (and joy) it was MUCH more than that.
The weekend (as well as the location, for those who have never been to Franciscan University) was life changing. On the first night, we took part in benediction and adoration. Truth be told, I have never been good at adoration. Either my mind wanders aimlessly... or I fall asleep. This time I begged God to speak to me in this setting. 75 men worshipping Christ in the Most Blessed Sacrament after having been through confession. I asked for Him to show me true happiness. True joy that would not send me "seeking" in the wrong (and sinful) places, or cause anger and frustration when let down by those in whom you've put your trust.
"Please," I begged. "Please, please, please..." And He spoke to me. And His words were few, but powerful.
"Find joy in me."
"Of course!" I thought. But I kind of knew that. He is the source of all joy. For what seemed like 15 minutes, all I could hear in my head were those four words. Find joy in me. Find joy in me. Find joy in me.
But as I continued to think... and soon became destracted... the phrase (or at least the emphasis) changed. Soon it was: "Find joy in ME." At each distraction, I was "snapped" back to the center by Christ saying, "Find joy in Me." Not is other people being more quiet. Not in the bad driver. Not in the screaming children. Not in your job, your friends or your family. Over here! Find joy in ME! Not over there. Find joy in ME.
There it was, a true (to my definition) "centering prayer." One that brings your focus back to God and not on the noises in the periphery. One that holds your gaze, your attention and your spirit.
Finally! I had "found" something in adoration. But that was only the beginning. The Masses at the University were the most amazing I have EVER attended. I was prayed over and deliverd from so much brokenness. I heard speakers who pierced my soul. I talked with men who LOVED God.
I came back to Portland unconcerned that I had only sold a handful of tickets to a conference I was funding with my own credit card. As my wife and I began a Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary... the registrations came pouring in. On the day of the conference I had 60+ walk-up registrations. The day was amazing!
The next day (Father's Day) was full of joy.
The next day (Monday) I was fired from my job.
It was not a "good" break up.
But you know what. I know now that I can't look for joy in others. They'll let you down every time. As I drove away from my now-former work, with my box of stuff in the passenger seat, I smiled. I know that our God is an awesome God, and that He has WONDERFUL things in store for those who love Him.
As I write this I am three weeks into being unemployed. I don't know how I'll pay my house or car payments next month. I'm having some problems with an old knee injury and have no insurance. But I know where the source of joy is... was... and always will be.
In my Lord who strengthens me.
"Find joy in me."
Thank you, Jesus. For the simple message that speaks so much.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
2009 Real Catholic Men Conference: A Done Deal.
I know, I know. It's been forever. Some of you might be saying, "I never knew he was gone." Either way, I'm back to let you know how everything went for the 2009 RCM Conference.
I arrived at the venue (St. Joseph Parish in Vancouver, WA, just over the river from Portland, OR) at about 6:15 AM and was surprised to find the venue coordinators Christian Spencer and Jerry Herera already there. We had a couple of issue right off the bat.
The graphic I created to project on the big screen as a welcome to the men when they arrived wouldn't open for some reason. Luckily, the day's program was also on a disc, and Christian whipped up a new graphic that looked great - better than what I had originally come up with!
Then, my father-in-law and I tried to put together the RCM sign frame which is always a hassle - and it was again. But we had plenty of time and were able to throw it together.
I must admit, we had some scary times over the past few months, as advance ticket sales were very poor. However, my registration table helpers came to me early on and told me that the walk-ups just wouldn't stop. Thank You, Jesus!
This year we served a continental breakfast in addition to lunch. Yummy! I heard rave reviews for all who came about the quaility of the food. You go, Knights of Columbus.
Evangelist Richard Lane was the first to take the stage. He gave an emotional and heart-felt talk about change and the call for Reconciliation. The crowd was shouting, "AMEN!" from the moment he began until the moment he left.
It took Richard 15+ hours to make the trip from St. Louis. No, that is not how long it should take. And, yes, it is a long story.
After that, 200 men made their way to Confession. The seven priests in attendance offered the Sacrament, and I was so pleased to see so many men make a fresh start. Music was provided by world-class composer and pianist, Ken Canedo of Spirit and Song.
Lunch followed, and it was a great time to shop the vendor tables and have over an hour of fellowship. I worked the tables and sold raffle tickets to support the Father Bernard Youth Center in Mt. Angel, Oregon. We raised $354 for this great organization.
After lunch, John LaBriola hit the men between the eyes with a talk on spiritual warfare. It was a topic I knew needed to be discussed. John did a great job, and many men told me how great the practical tips were. Thanks, John.
Father Donald Calloway closed the speaker portion of the day by recounting his amazing and anointed conversion story. Wow! No matter if you've heard it before or not - you can't help but be moved.
As is customary - and rightly so - the day ended with Holy Mass in the beautiful church. The place was packed. And that's the way it should be!
St. Joseph Radio was there to record the day, and they sold out of every copy they had burned... and continued to take orders for more. I hope to have more information about how to obtain copies if anyone is interested.
Many men were transformed by the day, and the feedback has been incredible. I am so excited to be preparing for 2010 and beyond. For more information on the 2010 conference as well as pictures from the event, log on to www.RealCatholicMen.com.
I arrived at the venue (St. Joseph Parish in Vancouver, WA, just over the river from Portland, OR) at about 6:15 AM and was surprised to find the venue coordinators Christian Spencer and Jerry Herera already there. We had a couple of issue right off the bat.
The graphic I created to project on the big screen as a welcome to the men when they arrived wouldn't open for some reason. Luckily, the day's program was also on a disc, and Christian whipped up a new graphic that looked great - better than what I had originally come up with!
Then, my father-in-law and I tried to put together the RCM sign frame which is always a hassle - and it was again. But we had plenty of time and were able to throw it together.
I must admit, we had some scary times over the past few months, as advance ticket sales were very poor. However, my registration table helpers came to me early on and told me that the walk-ups just wouldn't stop. Thank You, Jesus!
This year we served a continental breakfast in addition to lunch. Yummy! I heard rave reviews for all who came about the quaility of the food. You go, Knights of Columbus.
Evangelist Richard Lane was the first to take the stage. He gave an emotional and heart-felt talk about change and the call for Reconciliation. The crowd was shouting, "AMEN!" from the moment he began until the moment he left.
It took Richard 15+ hours to make the trip from St. Louis. No, that is not how long it should take. And, yes, it is a long story.
After that, 200 men made their way to Confession. The seven priests in attendance offered the Sacrament, and I was so pleased to see so many men make a fresh start. Music was provided by world-class composer and pianist, Ken Canedo of Spirit and Song.
Lunch followed, and it was a great time to shop the vendor tables and have over an hour of fellowship. I worked the tables and sold raffle tickets to support the Father Bernard Youth Center in Mt. Angel, Oregon. We raised $354 for this great organization.
After lunch, John LaBriola hit the men between the eyes with a talk on spiritual warfare. It was a topic I knew needed to be discussed. John did a great job, and many men told me how great the practical tips were. Thanks, John.
Father Donald Calloway closed the speaker portion of the day by recounting his amazing and anointed conversion story. Wow! No matter if you've heard it before or not - you can't help but be moved.
As is customary - and rightly so - the day ended with Holy Mass in the beautiful church. The place was packed. And that's the way it should be!
St. Joseph Radio was there to record the day, and they sold out of every copy they had burned... and continued to take orders for more. I hope to have more information about how to obtain copies if anyone is interested.
Many men were transformed by the day, and the feedback has been incredible. I am so excited to be preparing for 2010 and beyond. For more information on the 2010 conference as well as pictures from the event, log on to www.RealCatholicMen.com.
Friday, May 29, 2009
A May to Forget
You may have noticed that I haven't been blogging for a while. Well, there are a number of good reasons for that.
First and foremost are the 4 ER visits and 3 hospital stays my wife (and I) endured this month. We even had to resort to having my mother coming out from Arizona (God bless her) to help out for a week so I could actually go to work. You see, I had used up ALL my sick time taking care of her and the kids since January.
I have also been solely responsible for launch a huge project at work which called me to work 13-hour days - all while my wife was in enormous pain. We've had to call on friends to take shifts in watching the kids, picking up my oldest daughter from Kindergarten, bringing us food and just keeping our heads above water.
Our faith community has been a literal God-send. But that doesn't make the stress any less. It was during this time that we also decided to have our daughter go to a different Catholic school for the 1st Grade next year. It's much closer, but not a place we have been too involved in... and not a place where we have a community (yet).
Oh, and don't forget I'm also in the final weeks of planning the men's conference - and ticket sales have been WAY down.
I can barely bring myself to pray...and when I do, it seems to come out as simple begging for the stress and strain to stop. I just want it to end.
Why?
Because I have not spiritually armed myself well enough to handle such periods with grace and fortitude. I really thought that this was the time I was going to crack under the pressure and make a reservation in a little padded room.
There's other stuff too, but I won't go into it here.
The devil is trying to get me down. And he's done a pretty good job of it so far. I need help. We all need help.
My scripture reading and prayer time has vanished. I just want to sleep. I just want the kids to be quiet. I just want to go away.
But I know I have been called. And I cannot turn away. Because it was the Master who called His servant.
"Speak, O Lord. Your servant is listening."
Unfortunately, I'm too busy begging for it all to stop to listen.
First and foremost are the 4 ER visits and 3 hospital stays my wife (and I) endured this month. We even had to resort to having my mother coming out from Arizona (God bless her) to help out for a week so I could actually go to work. You see, I had used up ALL my sick time taking care of her and the kids since January.
I have also been solely responsible for launch a huge project at work which called me to work 13-hour days - all while my wife was in enormous pain. We've had to call on friends to take shifts in watching the kids, picking up my oldest daughter from Kindergarten, bringing us food and just keeping our heads above water.
Our faith community has been a literal God-send. But that doesn't make the stress any less. It was during this time that we also decided to have our daughter go to a different Catholic school for the 1st Grade next year. It's much closer, but not a place we have been too involved in... and not a place where we have a community (yet).
Oh, and don't forget I'm also in the final weeks of planning the men's conference - and ticket sales have been WAY down.
I can barely bring myself to pray...and when I do, it seems to come out as simple begging for the stress and strain to stop. I just want it to end.
Why?
Because I have not spiritually armed myself well enough to handle such periods with grace and fortitude. I really thought that this was the time I was going to crack under the pressure and make a reservation in a little padded room.
There's other stuff too, but I won't go into it here.
The devil is trying to get me down. And he's done a pretty good job of it so far. I need help. We all need help.
My scripture reading and prayer time has vanished. I just want to sleep. I just want the kids to be quiet. I just want to go away.
But I know I have been called. And I cannot turn away. Because it was the Master who called His servant.
"Speak, O Lord. Your servant is listening."
Unfortunately, I'm too busy begging for it all to stop to listen.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Are You Ready For More Catholic Bashing?
Reports today state that Mel Gibson's wife, Robyn, has filed for divorce.
As "the face" of Catholicism to most people, this tragic event in the life of the Gibson family will be just the foder the anti-Catholic community has been looking for.
Hold firm. Show love and forgiveness.
And most of all - be prepared to defend yourselves.
And, of course, pray for them.
As "the face" of Catholicism to most people, this tragic event in the life of the Gibson family will be just the foder the anti-Catholic community has been looking for.
Hold firm. Show love and forgiveness.
And most of all - be prepared to defend yourselves.
And, of course, pray for them.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I Fail, Therefore I Am
Living your faith raises the bar.
It's like setting the high-jump to 12'. God's pretty sure you're not going to make it over, but the plan is for each of us to work hard every day and give it our best shot.
That's how I've been feeling lately.
When I set out to do the Real Catholic Men conference and the associated ministry, I knew I'd be putting a sort of target on my back. Who the heck was I to be taking on this role? What would people think of me if I stumbled and fell for all to see? Would the people of faith afford me the forgiveness and understanding that I need when I fall?
Well, I'm here to tell you that I am human, and that I have been having a hard time lately.
Like many men, there is something in (or around) my heart that is not letting Jesus fully inside. Either that, or that there is so much garbage in there that there is no room for Him. My faith has taken up residence in my mind, but not in my soul. Christ continues to live in the fringe and not at the center of my life. I am trying - don't get me wrong - and I will not give up. But it's difficult.
The relationship that I have with God is much like it is with my wife. She is a saint to put up with me. And I'm sure all of us who are married can pretty much say the same thing. We can be a real pain in the butt. Lately, I have been a HUGE one.
And while I truly love my wife, there are times that I treat her horribly. She deserves better. But I seem to not be able to let her all the way inside my heart, and anger is usually the easiest way to keep her out.
I know my faith and I (for the most part) live my faith, but I am having hard time feeling my faith. I read and pray and confess and pray some more, but the wall is still up.
I have recently found a new spiritual director who I hope will take me further in my understanding of why I am who I am. I am a sinful man, trying to leave that person further behind each and every day - only the distance is not increasing.
This is a life-long endeavor. I will work on it every day until I die. God willing, in end I'll have been made worthy to hear those words: "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done."
Pray for me as I do for all of you.
It's like setting the high-jump to 12'. God's pretty sure you're not going to make it over, but the plan is for each of us to work hard every day and give it our best shot.
That's how I've been feeling lately.
When I set out to do the Real Catholic Men conference and the associated ministry, I knew I'd be putting a sort of target on my back. Who the heck was I to be taking on this role? What would people think of me if I stumbled and fell for all to see? Would the people of faith afford me the forgiveness and understanding that I need when I fall?
Well, I'm here to tell you that I am human, and that I have been having a hard time lately.
Like many men, there is something in (or around) my heart that is not letting Jesus fully inside. Either that, or that there is so much garbage in there that there is no room for Him. My faith has taken up residence in my mind, but not in my soul. Christ continues to live in the fringe and not at the center of my life. I am trying - don't get me wrong - and I will not give up. But it's difficult.
The relationship that I have with God is much like it is with my wife. She is a saint to put up with me. And I'm sure all of us who are married can pretty much say the same thing. We can be a real pain in the butt. Lately, I have been a HUGE one.
And while I truly love my wife, there are times that I treat her horribly. She deserves better. But I seem to not be able to let her all the way inside my heart, and anger is usually the easiest way to keep her out.
I know my faith and I (for the most part) live my faith, but I am having hard time feeling my faith. I read and pray and confess and pray some more, but the wall is still up.
I have recently found a new spiritual director who I hope will take me further in my understanding of why I am who I am. I am a sinful man, trying to leave that person further behind each and every day - only the distance is not increasing.
This is a life-long endeavor. I will work on it every day until I die. God willing, in end I'll have been made worthy to hear those words: "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done."
Pray for me as I do for all of you.
Friday, March 13, 2009
How Low Can We Go?
I've never been a fan of horror movies. Neither in my past life as one who consumed movies like candy - nor in my current one where me watching a movie is about as common as lunar eclipse.
I do, however, watch an occasional television program, so I see the ads for what is coming out in the theaters.
The influx of disgusting, over-the-top, slasher flics like "Hostel," the "Saw" series and the like, make me wonder what the world is coming to.
Recently I saw an ad for a movie called "The Last House on The Left." I remember when the first version came to cable in the early 1970's. I could not recall what it was about, so when MSN posted a "review" (and I use that term loosely) for the film, I decided to see what they had to say about such a revolting indulgence.
It was while reading this review (which was more of a review for the previous incarnations) that I came a cross a phrase I had never heard before. It was a phrase used to refer to movies such as this and the ones I mentioned earlier. The phrase was: "torture-porn."
Now, while the phrase alone should make anyone with a soul cringe, it was the apparent "throw away" usage of the word that hit me the hardest.
Shouldn't this phrase, and the movies it represents, absolutely infuriate every single living, breathing human being? Is anyone out there actually "pro torture-porn?"
As a matter of fact, the reviewer is woman. Does she feel nothing when she sees the portayal of women as nothing more than magnets for sex and violence? Does a paycheck make her numb?
How much lower can we go when "torture-porn" is synonymous with "entertainment?"
The word "repent" has no better application than for those who create, fund and promote such destructive content.
In this Lenten season, pray for these people. Their desert is vast and wide, and they are giving into the tempations of the Evil One.
Repent and believe in the Gosepl.
I do, however, watch an occasional television program, so I see the ads for what is coming out in the theaters.
The influx of disgusting, over-the-top, slasher flics like "Hostel," the "Saw" series and the like, make me wonder what the world is coming to.
Recently I saw an ad for a movie called "The Last House on The Left." I remember when the first version came to cable in the early 1970's. I could not recall what it was about, so when MSN posted a "review" (and I use that term loosely) for the film, I decided to see what they had to say about such a revolting indulgence.
It was while reading this review (which was more of a review for the previous incarnations) that I came a cross a phrase I had never heard before. It was a phrase used to refer to movies such as this and the ones I mentioned earlier. The phrase was: "torture-porn."
Now, while the phrase alone should make anyone with a soul cringe, it was the apparent "throw away" usage of the word that hit me the hardest.
Shouldn't this phrase, and the movies it represents, absolutely infuriate every single living, breathing human being? Is anyone out there actually "pro torture-porn?"
As a matter of fact, the reviewer is woman. Does she feel nothing when she sees the portayal of women as nothing more than magnets for sex and violence? Does a paycheck make her numb?
How much lower can we go when "torture-porn" is synonymous with "entertainment?"
The word "repent" has no better application than for those who create, fund and promote such destructive content.
In this Lenten season, pray for these people. Their desert is vast and wide, and they are giving into the tempations of the Evil One.
Repent and believe in the Gosepl.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Listen to the Cross
History tells us that St. Francis of Assisi - while praying in front of the crucifix - heard Jesus say to him three times, "Francis, go and repair My house, which you see is falling down."
Francis thought He meant the physical structure he was praying in, and set out fix the church brick by brick. It was later revealed that the crucified Christ was referring to the state of The Church and her people.
But the question I pose today is this: Does the cross still speak to us today? And more than just the simple symbol of the cross - but the glory of the crucifix.
Yes, there is glory in the pain and anguish of the crucifix. There are lessons to be learned by each of us. Whether it be of suffering, service, denying yourself, or sacrifice - or all of the above.
One night in prayer, I asked Jesus about His agony in carrying the cross through the city streets on His way to Calvary. My specific question was, "When you were carrying the cross, were you trying to get to the mountain as quickly as possible so that you could fulfill your destiny, or were you so scared that you were goining as slowly as you could to delay this pain?"
And Jesus answered me. He told me, "I walked just fast enough so they wouldn't beat me any more."
A glorious answer from the God-Man. So divine and so human.
He may not have exactly spoken to me from the cross, but his passion, death and resurrection speak to us every day. Sit in front of the crucifix and listen to what Jesus has to say to you. He has a message that He wants you to hear. A message just for you - his precious child.
Come to Him as a child. Sit at His feet and listen to the Master. There are words of wisdom, love and life from the King of Kings!
Embrace the Cross!
Francis thought He meant the physical structure he was praying in, and set out fix the church brick by brick. It was later revealed that the crucified Christ was referring to the state of The Church and her people.
But the question I pose today is this: Does the cross still speak to us today? And more than just the simple symbol of the cross - but the glory of the crucifix.
Yes, there is glory in the pain and anguish of the crucifix. There are lessons to be learned by each of us. Whether it be of suffering, service, denying yourself, or sacrifice - or all of the above.
One night in prayer, I asked Jesus about His agony in carrying the cross through the city streets on His way to Calvary. My specific question was, "When you were carrying the cross, were you trying to get to the mountain as quickly as possible so that you could fulfill your destiny, or were you so scared that you were goining as slowly as you could to delay this pain?"
And Jesus answered me. He told me, "I walked just fast enough so they wouldn't beat me any more."
A glorious answer from the God-Man. So divine and so human.
He may not have exactly spoken to me from the cross, but his passion, death and resurrection speak to us every day. Sit in front of the crucifix and listen to what Jesus has to say to you. He has a message that He wants you to hear. A message just for you - his precious child.
Come to Him as a child. Sit at His feet and listen to the Master. There are words of wisdom, love and life from the King of Kings!
Embrace the Cross!
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