God, I hope so. That's not to say that I am a real catholic men yet, but I'm striving. And as I strive, the growing pains hurt. They hurt in my head, heart and soul. I keep hearing that I'll come out better for it on the other side. I'm not sure I want to "come out better for it" if it means enduring what I endure.
I think of Our Lord's Passion. The Agony in the Garden. "Let this cup pass from me," Christ pleaded... "but not my will, but thy will be done." Placing your fate in God's hands doesn't make the process any less bitter. In fact, it makes it more painful, because you have to have the faith to give it all up to someone, and something, that you have never "seen".
"My God, my God, why have you forsakes/abandoned me?" Boy, this is one that I say to myself on a daily basis. Like Christ, I know that He hasn't, really - but it sure feels that way.
We do "our best". We sacrifice. We pray. We attend Mass. We participate in the other Sacraments, but we feel separated from our God. Why? Is it a dessert time? A time of purification? I don't know, and at times I don't care. I just want it to end. And when it doesn't seem like it will... like the dessert stretches on forever -
I cry.
Christ cried.
I suppose if it's good enough for Him, it's good enough for me.
But still I ask that the cup pass from me - because I am human.
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Absolutely! This 'feeling of being separated from God' is normal and it's a sign that God is drawing us closer and closer to Himself. Mother Theresa, St. John of the Cross, and ST. Theresa Liseuix and many other saints experienced times in their lives when it 'felt' like God wasn't there. It's in these moments where God is asking us, 'Do you love me or do you love the way I can make you feel?' I think it's probably the same situation that Adam and Eve experienced in the garden - God wanted to draw them deeper and deeper into His love and life - but He had to test them to see how dedicated they were - and of course, with their actions, they said 'We love your gifts (the feelings) more than you'... I've experienced these periods in my life as well. It's a struggle, but it's the path to holiness with rewards that are beyond our wildest imaginations!! Your ministry 'real catholic men' is well needed!!! I look forward to next year's conference at U of P!!! God Bless you and your family!!
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