A Spiritual "Tune Up"

Cars have batteries that die. They cough and sputter. Backfire. Hesitate. Go a little. Jerk forward. Conk out. Start again. Die. Pull off to the side of the road.

When this happens we take them to a mechanic who does some diagnostic things (I guess) and determines a course of action. Fix this. Replace that. Scrap the whole thing. Whatever it may be.

I don't know about you, but my faith-life is more like a 1974 Dodge Dart (my first car) than a 2011 Honda Civic.

It runs well for a while, then begins to "act up." Sometimes I want to trade it in for a newer model, but I know that what it really needs is a tune up. It's a good car, afterall. It's been with me for so long. I can't just toss it in the heap with the others.

For me, spiritual direction is that tune up. It gives me the "manual" for taking care of my spirituality.

Recently I have been instructed by my spirtual director to do the morning and eveing prayers. And I have been. For the most part. And when I don't - guess what happens?

Yep, you're right. Cough. Chug. Jerk. Sputter. Die.

Time to take the car back to the shop. Confession. Mass. Prayer. Meditation. Reading the Word of God. Those morning and evening prayers.

Pray for me that I can keep my engine running. I'll do the same for you.

Vroom vroom!

When You're Down and Out...

The Sisters at Our Lady of Peace Retreat Center have been so supportive to Real Catholic Ministries.

I attended my first retreat there about 6 years ago. It was a married couples retreat with fellow Teams of Our Lady members. I remember not wanting to leave. The place is so serene and it gave me a quiet place to contemplate my marriage and my manhood.

I've been back many times. And not just for retreats, but to say "hello" and lend a hand when needed.

One of my favorite things to do at OLP is to go to their annual BBQ. So many great people having nothing but good food and fun. Music, games for the kids, raffles. All the things you'd expect.

This year, the Sisters offered to let me have a spot to put up a table to help promote RCM. And what a spot it was. Right by where everyone had to purchase their food tickets. No one could get in without going by me!

Now I must admit, I've been having a rough time of it lately. Both personally and spiritually. Wondering what God is wanting from me. Dealing (again) with disappointments. Sometimes it's hard to be the "face" of RCM when you're not "feeling it."

But this BBQ, this table and this exposure was exactly what I needed.

So many people came up to me to shake my hand and thank me for the ministry. People who are enjoying the radio show. People who are just glad that someone - anyone - is out there on the frontlines giving it a try.

It's true that the laborers are few. And there is much work to me done.

Thank you for your prayers of support. I honestly don't know where I'd be without them.

God bless you all!

How Lame Am I?

I just wanted to post this "quickie" to let you all know that I (and this Blog) are indeed alive and well.

I will be posting something longer (and definitely more spiritually "deep") very soon.

Thank you for your patience - and your feedback on the previous entry. I can't believe it's been almost 3 months! Sheesh!

Oh, to be more disciplined.

God bless you all.

Gettin It (Somewhat) Right

Yesterday was my wife's birthday. She turned...

Do you really think I was going to tell you? After being married for 8 1/2 years, I have learned SOME things. One thing is that birthdays are more important to some than others.

I've never been one for ceremonies, pomp and circumstance or "tradition." It wasn't really played up in the house I grew up in, so it has been (and still is) tough to make the transition for those who DO find it important.

Here's an example: my wife's family were/are big "stocking" people. By that I mean that at Christmas, what was/is in your stocking was/is a big deal. Treats and little do-dads were always a hit. Now, in my house, there were more Christmases than not where there was nothing in our stockings. Not due to being poor, but just because it wasn't what we did.

The same focus goes for birthdays. For my family they were important, but not all consuming. That's not to say that it was an obsession for my wife's family - just different.

So for 7 1/2 yeas it has been hit-and-miss for me when it comes to birthdays. Some years it's okay. Some years, not. It gets harder with more kids and projects. Hey, isn't mowing the lawn a GREAT birthday gift?

Anyway, this year, I decided to do it right. Not "BIG." Just right.

It is a birth"day," right - not a birth"moment." So my wife's birthday started in the morning with breakfast and ended with a nice dinner. Some cool stuff in between as well.

Oh, one more important thing. My wife was adopted. And after the passage of Roe v. Wade. So the fact that she's even here is a miracle. Something to be celebrated EVERY day, not just May 6th.

Happy Birthday, honey. Let's do this again next year!

Coming Up for Air

Phew! That's all I can say.

Oh - that and "AMEN!!!!"

This past weekend, 41 men from Oregon and SW Washington attended the first (of many, I hope) Real Catholic Men Retreat. It was an amazing time. Faith. Food. Fellowship. What more could one want.

Rather than me telling you what a great experience it was, I want to let you read some of the responses I have received over the past few days.

"Thanks for an excellent weekend. I was inspired, motivated and challenged."

"I can't thank you enough for the retreat this weekend. I will never look at the Mass the same way again. The graces I received this weekend and the strength I feel renewed me like no other experience I have ever been blessed with."

"You and Deacon Harold (Burke-Sivers) were like the Apostles, helping us (the disciples) open our hearts and minds to the Holy Spirit, His Holy will and His plan for us."

"The retreat was great. I couldn't have asked for more. Thanks for an unforgettable weekend."

"I feel alive, at peace, confident, and I have more courage to bring my faith into the world."

"I recommend men from every walk of life to attend next year."

Wow! I am humbled and honored to be fighting the good fight of faith with men like these. Please don't miss opportunities like this - wherever you are! Find a men's group, a retreat, a conference, and make yourself available to the graces of the Holy Spirit in your lives.

Special thanks to Deacon Harold (http://www.auremcordis.com/) for his participation. We ALL need to hear the messages his is sharing around the world.

God bless you all. Happy Easter!!!

Events a'plenty

There's a lot going on right now.

I guess the first thing on the list is to finish up all of the work that goes into putting on a retreat.

A while back I agreed to create a game for the April retreat called "Faith Football." In its simplest form, it's a glorified trivia game. But it's based on football: with a field, running and passing plays, penalties, etc.

It's fun, but daunting trying to create something from scratch.

There is also the wondering if anyone is going to show up! So far, response has been "okay." But that's not for me to worry about. I need to prepare, not watch the numbers.

That's hard to do, considering I'm the one putting the money and time into the planning and execution. It's times like these that I need to pray more.

Then there is the conference. It's VERY difficult to plan one "big thing" while you're planning another "big thing." But I love this conference. I wish I could work on it year-round.

This years' guests are going to be awesome. Check out the website for more info: http://www.realcatholicmen.com/.

I ask for all your prayers as well. Lord knows I can't do this

myself. I need to rely on Him more- and less on myself.

Stress can create an ugly monster. I probably don't have to tell you that. I suppose I need to pray to St. Michael more often too.

Sheesh- at this rate (with all this praying) I may never get anything done. Oh yeah, except for my eternal salvation.

God bless you all. I hope you're having a great Lent.

The Realities of Lent

Okay, so I put on a men's conference. I lead men's groups. I do a radio show and talk to others about the Faith.

Does that mean the devil leaves me alone? On the contrary. Those who do the work of God are attacked even more. Wonder why there were "priest scandals" all over the world? See previous comment.

Does this excuse us from our sins. Absolutely not. But the reality is - just like Jesus - those who "come in the name of the Lord" usually have Satan walking close by.

In Lent, we are called to strip away all those things that distract us from our God. Maybe that's television, or drinking, or going to the movies. In that sense, some of the devil's "tools" are put aside. And that's when he uses other means.

My friend, Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers is fond of saying, "If the devil isn't attacking you, you're not doing your Faith right."

Well if that's the case, I must be doing VERY well;-) 'Cause I have been battered and bruised lately.

As I write this blog, I am getting ready to leave for a men's conference in Pendleton, Oregon. Not to speak, or to coordinate - but just to be there. Like the rest of the guys. Looking for peace, joy, or anything else we may be "searching" for. For me it's a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. I have come to discover recently that I love "The Church" more than I love Christ. I'll fight to the death to defend my Faith, but I won't die to self for my savior.

So,I'm still growing. No one is fully formed while alive. That is why there are no living saints.

The race is not won until the race is done. I just hope I have a lot more laps to go before my finish line comes into view.

God bless you all. Keep praying for me, and I'll keep praying for you.

Someday I'll Get This Thing Right

My last blog post (dated 12/9/09) stated that I'd be TRYING to blog more often.

Boy did that experiement fail miserably.

So here I am. Things have been very busy. The radio show is going well. We've started a new men's group at St. Matthew in Hillsboro, OR. Ramping up for the RCM retreat in April as well as the conference in June.

Additionally, many men who are involved in this new "Men's Spirituality Movement" are coming togther to discuss how we can channel our callings for a common good. A men's retreat/conference at Franciscan University in June will be one of the first steps.

God is calling men of faith and action together to build up armies to fight the enemy. Make no mistake about it. This is real.

The Real Catholic Men website has lots of updates, as well as the most recent editions of the radio program available for download.

God bless you all. Hopefully I'll be back soon.

Long Time Comin' - Updates Galore!

I know, I know. It's been a loooong time since my last update. Good reason, though. Real Catholic Ministries has been VERY busy.

Here's a sample of what's going on:

• "Real Catholic Men: The Radio Program" debuts January 11, 2010 on 88.3 FM in Portland, Oregon - or you can listen on the web at http://www.kbvm.fm/. It'll air at 4:15 PM on Wednesdays and Fridays as a lead-in to Peter Herbeck's "Fire of the Earth."

I've been writing and recording episodes over the past two months, and I think it's going well. The show is still looking for its "voice", but it's going in the right direction. It'll also be available for download on the RCM website after it airs on KBVM.

• Men on a Mission: January 9, 2010. St. Matthew Church, Hillsboro, Oregon.

This group is re-forming under a new title and mission... as well as inviting all the other Parishes located on the West side of the Portland Metro area. We will be meeting once a month, and will begin with reading Fr. Larry Richards' wonderful new book, Be A Man.

• Southern Oregon Men's Retreat: January 29-31, 2010.

I am once again pleased to be a part of this retreat, having been the keynote speaker in 2008. They are a great bunch of guys, and are going on their 28th year of getting together to grow in love of the Lord.

• Real Catholic Men Retreat: April 9-11, 2010.

This will be the first "official" retreat put on by Real Catholic Ministries. Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers and I are working on making it a retreat experience unlike any other that men have had. If you are looking to "go deeper" in your search for God - this weekend is for you.

"This ain't your Daddy's men's retreat."

• Journey 365: A Year-Long Guide to Spiritual Growth For Catholic Men, By Catholic Men.

This endeavor will launch in January 2010, and calls for men from around the country (and around the world) to submit their favorite Scripture passage and personally reflect on how that passage has affected them, causing them to be a better husband, father, student, employee - Man of God!

You are encouraged to participate by logging on to www.RealCatholicMen.com in January to learn how you can submit your passage and change the lives of men forever.

• 3rd Annual Real Catholic Men Conference: June 19, 2010. Vancouver, WA

Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers and Evangelists Richard Lane and Hector Molina, Jr. will send the devil running for cover with their Holy Spirit-filled talks about what being a true man of God looks like in the year 2010. This is going to be an incredibly powerful day that you WILL NOT want to miss. Tickets go on sale in April ... and there will be "early bird specials." Stay tuned.

So that's just a sample of the things that Real Catholic Men has been working on. I thank you in advance for your prayers as we continue to do the Lord's work.

And as a New Years' resolution, I will TRY and blog more often.

God bless you all!

Who Knew? College Kids Seeking God.

It was my first time speaking specifically to college age students. I had done high school youth groups and adults - but this particular demographic had eluded me. So there I was, at the Portland State University Newman Center talking about how to embrace and live the hard teachings of Christ. The focus was on getting these young adults to become true followers - meaning living the Gospel passage: "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, pick up his cross and follow me."

Not an easy topic, but oh so necessary.

When doing a talk like this, you can easily tell whether a group is interested in what you have to say. It's in their eyes. In most middle school and high school youth groups, there is an almost complete lack of connection. They're just not at that place of caring. Not everyone, mind you, but a majority.

God bless these PSU students. Not once did I feel I had lost them, or that they didn't care.

They listened intently. Asked questions. And even thanked me afterwards.

This is the lost generation? These are the young Americans from a liberal college, and located in one of the most liberal areas of the country who don't care about their faith?

Thanks be to God!

Let us continue to lift up our young adults in prayer. Especially those who are attending our colleges and universities - the "hot-beds" of morally relative indoctrination. Reach out a hand. Invite them to Mass. Bring them to a church event. Don't wait for them to come to you - it may never happen.

Take that first step. A step in faith. There are souls depending on you.

Who Da Man? Deacon Harold is Da Man.

Matthew Warner's website (http://www.fallibleblogma.com/) is promoting "Support a Catholic Speaker Month." What a wonderful idea! So it is my goal to do just that.

See here for more details: http://www.fallibleblogma.com/index.php/support-a-catholic-speaker-month-and-favorite-catholic-speaker-2009-results

I have chosen to "support" my good friend - and AMAZING speaker - Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers. I have the pleasure of calling him my friend and well as my inspiration for doing what I do. It was his "yes" to my invitation to speak at a men's conference here in Portland, Oregon that allowed me to give God my "yes" to launching Real Catholic Ministries.

One of the things I appreciate most about Deacon Harold (and people in general) is his no-holds-barred approach to his faith. He speaks the truth of the Catholic Faith with love and conviction. If you don't receive a healthy dose of the Holy Spirit by the time you're done hearing one of his talks - you might want to check for a pulse.

His explanations of the Mass, the family, the Eucharist, etc. are direct, enlightening and understandable.

I think the mark of a great speaker is one that moves people to change their lives. I think of Dr. Scott Hahn, Fr. John Corapi and Christopher West. Well, I can speak from personal experience when I say that Deacon Harold has done just that for me. And, thanks be to God, due to his ability to utilize the media, Deacon Harold has been able to touch thousands of people around the world through radio, his EWTN series, public appearances and even YouTube.

No less important than his message, Deacon Harold continues to be one of the few black, Catholic men (along with my other brother in Christ, Richard Lane) who has had the opportunity to be a "face" for an entire culture. While his talks cross all borders of color, class, gender or faith, he "speaks" to the world as a man whose brothers and sisters in Christ have for so long been (at least visibly) unrepresented in the Catholic Church.

Deacon Harold's website (http://www.auremcordis.com/) will give you a lot of information about his ministry, his schedule of talks and what media is available to order.

I promise you that Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers is a force to be reckoned with in the battle for souls. The devil will attack all these great speakers as they continue doing the work of God. Please pray for them - as they do for you.

God bless!!!

Real Catholic Ministries Needs Your Help

Dear men and women of God,

Today I come to you a humble man in need of help.

Real Catholic Ministries is in serious financial need. Yesterday, I was informed that the ministry’s telephone and internet bill would be going up $15+ per month. I also found out today that the credit card that I have been “fronting” the annual men’s conference expenses on has been accruing interest that I was not aware of. Seeing as how I won’t begin selling tickets for next year’s conference until February/March of 2010, it is difficult to see how the $292 RCM bank account balance will hold out.

This past year, I flew out three amazing speakers, paid their fees and lodging costs, all to the tune of about $5,000. I advertised in the Catholic Sentinel and printed/mailed 150 posters and announcements which added another $700 to the tab. There are also the “regular” ministry expenses of telephone, internet access, post office box and annual business license fees.

Ticket sales for last year’s conference, minus the cost of food, brought in close to $5,000. You can see where the numbers simply do not add up.

I am asking each of you to pray about how you can help this ministry. As little as $10 would be greatly appreciated. And while I cannot currently offer a tax deduction (although we are moving in that direction) I can offer you my undying gratitude and prayers.

I know that these are the e-mails we all hate getting, but I promise you that I would not be sending it out if it weren’t incredibly necessary.

It is your generous support that lets us do things like the March for Purity, and well as the upcoming men’s retreat, Women’s Tea for Life and the Real Catholic Men radio program premiering in January.

Thank you again for considering a small – or large – donation.

May God bless and keep you,

David Renshaw
Real Catholic Ministries
P.O. Box 116
Hillsboro, OR 97123

"March for Purity" is the First of Many

This past Saturday (September 12th) I had the great blessing of organizing the first "March for Purity." The March was attended by 20+ men with Rosaries in hand to pray in front of the local Planned Parenthood building, two strip clubs and an adult bookstore.

It was a brisk 95 degrees, but we were fortunate enough to have a lot of water, as well as finding shade at all of the locations.

This was my first time doing anything like this - either as an organizer or as a participant. I must say that it was amazing. Many men who attended had not been to the conferences I had put on, and had no idea who I was. They each came up to me and thanked me for making this event happen. A few even said that they had thought of doing something like this themselves, but just didn't know where to start.

I am so glad that I was able to offer the opportunity.

Fr. Eric Andersen - a newly ordained priest, accompanied us to the first two locations. His presence was much appreciated, and much felt. His prayers and blessings were sustaining.

We received only a few comments from passers-by, and a train nearly drowned out one full decade, but the day belonged to Mary.

Saturday was the Feast of the Most Holy Name of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

She was with us every step of the way. She was there to comfort us and give us strength, in addition to holding out her loving hand to those "dancers" who came out to laugh at us.

Please pray for all of those who have had abortions, those caught in the web of sexual addiction and those who run such establishments. They need us to show them the light.

The light of Christ.

God bless you all.

What the Lord Wants

Discernment.

One word. A lifetime of prayer and progress. I wish I knew more about it.

I am at a time in my life when I am trying to "discern" more than ever. At 40 - and currently out of work - I really feel that I am at a true crossroads.

God is calling. But what does He want? I think I know. Or is that me talking?

Maybe discernment isn't a definitive moment in time. One where you can say, "Righ there! That's when God spoke to me."

Maybe it's a small smile. Walking a few steps in front with arms crossed - like a father when his child learns to walk or ride a bike.

He wants to see my dedication. My focus. Not on the "goal," but on Him. He needs to remain at the center of ALL things.

I read. I reflect. I pray.

There is no lighting, thunder, burning bush or e-mail.

Just a smile. A nod.

Just as a loving Father should.

A Walk with the Spirit

This past Friday, I was working my shift at the Oregon Right to Life booth at the Washington County Fair. For those of you NOT in the Portland, Oregon area - last week was one of the hottest on record. I say this to set the scene for the following story.

When my shift was completed, I called my wife to have her come pick me up. We live about 3 1/2 miles from the fair grounds, so I wouldn't have to wait long. The only problem was that the garage door had broken and that she, the kids, and the cars were trapped. She tried to get some of our neighbors to come and get me... but none of them were home.

It was at this point that I began my walk home.

That alone wouldn't have been extremely tragic. The issue was that I was wearing flip-flops and pants... and the temp was still in the 90's.

My wife was worried. But I smiled. Now I get to pray.

Before I got a hundred yards, I pulled out my Rosary. I prayed it for the poor people who were working the Planned Parenthood booth just a stones-throw away from where we were stationed. By the time I had completed the Rosary, my flip-flopped feet began to ache.

Praise God! I thought. I'll offer up my suffering for those workers as well.

I took off my flip-flops and began to walk barefoot. I immediately thought of the feet of Christ. All the walking he did. How dirty they must have been. How they must have hurt a lot of the time.

I raised my arms as I walked. Praising and thanking God for all His great works. The sun. The air. The trees. I prayed for my friends and family. I asked for the intercession of EVERY saint I could think of. I thanked God for my enemies. For my wife. My children.

I just praised. I don't think I even asked for anything. I just praised God.

After an hour and 10 minutes of walking, I arrived home. I was beat and my feet hurt (and boy, were they dirty), but I was filled with the Holy Spirit. Once I stopped walking, I could barely move my legs. Yeah, I'm a little out of shape;-)

After my wife gave me a tall glass of ice water and a plate of ravioli, I moved over to the couch. My wife surprised my by washing my blackened feet. I cannot tell you how good it felt.

But what felt better than my feet was my spirit. God was with me on that walk - as He is with EVERY walk that ANY of us take. Never forget that.

God be praised in all things.

"Find Joy In Me"

I feel different.

The first weekend in June, a good friend of mine and I attened a retreat for men's group leaders which was held at Franciscan University in Steubenville, OH.

I was originally under the impression that it was going to be more of a conference, where men would exchange ideas and tips on how to run men's groups/conferences better. To my surprise (and joy) it was MUCH more than that.

The weekend (as well as the location, for those who have never been to Franciscan University) was life changing. On the first night, we took part in benediction and adoration. Truth be told, I have never been good at adoration. Either my mind wanders aimlessly... or I fall asleep. This time I begged God to speak to me in this setting. 75 men worshipping Christ in the Most Blessed Sacrament after having been through confession. I asked for Him to show me true happiness. True joy that would not send me "seeking" in the wrong (and sinful) places, or cause anger and frustration when let down by those in whom you've put your trust.

"Please," I begged. "Please, please, please..." And He spoke to me. And His words were few, but powerful.

"Find joy in me."

"Of course!" I thought. But I kind of knew that. He is the source of all joy. For what seemed like 15 minutes, all I could hear in my head were those four words. Find joy in me. Find joy in me. Find joy in me.

But as I continued to think... and soon became destracted... the phrase (or at least the emphasis) changed. Soon it was: "Find joy in ME." At each distraction, I was "snapped" back to the center by Christ saying, "Find joy in Me." Not is other people being more quiet. Not in the bad driver. Not in the screaming children. Not in your job, your friends or your family. Over here! Find joy in ME! Not over there. Find joy in ME.

There it was, a true (to my definition) "centering prayer." One that brings your focus back to God and not on the noises in the periphery. One that holds your gaze, your attention and your spirit.

Finally! I had "found" something in adoration. But that was only the beginning. The Masses at the University were the most amazing I have EVER attended. I was prayed over and deliverd from so much brokenness. I heard speakers who pierced my soul. I talked with men who LOVED God.

I came back to Portland unconcerned that I had only sold a handful of tickets to a conference I was funding with my own credit card. As my wife and I began a Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary... the registrations came pouring in. On the day of the conference I had 60+ walk-up registrations. The day was amazing!

The next day (Father's Day) was full of joy.

The next day (Monday) I was fired from my job.

It was not a "good" break up.

But you know what. I know now that I can't look for joy in others. They'll let you down every time. As I drove away from my now-former work, with my box of stuff in the passenger seat, I smiled. I know that our God is an awesome God, and that He has WONDERFUL things in store for those who love Him.

As I write this I am three weeks into being unemployed. I don't know how I'll pay my house or car payments next month. I'm having some problems with an old knee injury and have no insurance. But I know where the source of joy is... was... and always will be.

In my Lord who strengthens me.

"Find joy in me."

Thank you, Jesus. For the simple message that speaks so much.

2009 Real Catholic Men Conference: A Done Deal.

I know, I know. It's been forever. Some of you might be saying, "I never knew he was gone." Either way, I'm back to let you know how everything went for the 2009 RCM Conference.

I arrived at the venue (St. Joseph Parish in Vancouver, WA, just over the river from Portland, OR) at about 6:15 AM and was surprised to find the venue coordinators Christian Spencer and Jerry Herera already there. We had a couple of issue right off the bat.

The graphic I created to project on the big screen as a welcome to the men when they arrived wouldn't open for some reason. Luckily, the day's program was also on a disc, and Christian whipped up a new graphic that looked great - better than what I had originally come up with!

Then, my father-in-law and I tried to put together the RCM sign frame which is always a hassle - and it was again. But we had plenty of time and were able to throw it together.

I must admit, we had some scary times over the past few months, as advance ticket sales were very poor. However, my registration table helpers came to me early on and told me that the walk-ups just wouldn't stop. Thank You, Jesus!

This year we served a continental breakfast in addition to lunch. Yummy! I heard rave reviews for all who came about the quaility of the food. You go, Knights of Columbus.

Evangelist Richard Lane was the first to take the stage. He gave an emotional and heart-felt talk about change and the call for Reconciliation. The crowd was shouting, "AMEN!" from the moment he began until the moment he left.

It took Richard 15+ hours to make the trip from St. Louis. No, that is not how long it should take. And, yes, it is a long story.

After that, 200 men made their way to Confession. The seven priests in attendance offered the Sacrament, and I was so pleased to see so many men make a fresh start. Music was provided by world-class composer and pianist, Ken Canedo of Spirit and Song.

Lunch followed, and it was a great time to shop the vendor tables and have over an hour of fellowship. I worked the tables and sold raffle tickets to support the Father Bernard Youth Center in Mt. Angel, Oregon. We raised $354 for this great organization.

After lunch, John LaBriola hit the men between the eyes with a talk on spiritual warfare. It was a topic I knew needed to be discussed. John did a great job, and many men told me how great the practical tips were. Thanks, John.

Father Donald Calloway closed the speaker portion of the day by recounting his amazing and anointed conversion story. Wow! No matter if you've heard it before or not - you can't help but be moved.

As is customary - and rightly so - the day ended with Holy Mass in the beautiful church. The place was packed. And that's the way it should be!

St. Joseph Radio was there to record the day, and they sold out of every copy they had burned... and continued to take orders for more. I hope to have more information about how to obtain copies if anyone is interested.

Many men were transformed by the day, and the feedback has been incredible. I am so excited to be preparing for 2010 and beyond. For more information on the 2010 conference as well as pictures from the event, log on to www.RealCatholicMen.com.

A May to Forget

You may have noticed that I haven't been blogging for a while. Well, there are a number of good reasons for that.

First and foremost are the 4 ER visits and 3 hospital stays my wife (and I) endured this month. We even had to resort to having my mother coming out from Arizona (God bless her) to help out for a week so I could actually go to work. You see, I had used up ALL my sick time taking care of her and the kids since January.

I have also been solely responsible for launch a huge project at work which called me to work 13-hour days - all while my wife was in enormous pain. We've had to call on friends to take shifts in watching the kids, picking up my oldest daughter from Kindergarten, bringing us food and just keeping our heads above water.

Our faith community has been a literal God-send. But that doesn't make the stress any less. It was during this time that we also decided to have our daughter go to a different Catholic school for the 1st Grade next year. It's much closer, but not a place we have been too involved in... and not a place where we have a community (yet).

Oh, and don't forget I'm also in the final weeks of planning the men's conference - and ticket sales have been WAY down.

I can barely bring myself to pray...and when I do, it seems to come out as simple begging for the stress and strain to stop. I just want it to end.

Why?

Because I have not spiritually armed myself well enough to handle such periods with grace and fortitude. I really thought that this was the time I was going to crack under the pressure and make a reservation in a little padded room.

There's other stuff too, but I won't go into it here.

The devil is trying to get me down. And he's done a pretty good job of it so far. I need help. We all need help.

My scripture reading and prayer time has vanished. I just want to sleep. I just want the kids to be quiet. I just want to go away.

But I know I have been called. And I cannot turn away. Because it was the Master who called His servant.

"Speak, O Lord. Your servant is listening."

Unfortunately, I'm too busy begging for it all to stop to listen.

Are You Ready For More Catholic Bashing?

Reports today state that Mel Gibson's wife, Robyn, has filed for divorce.

As "the face" of Catholicism to most people, this tragic event in the life of the Gibson family will be just the foder the anti-Catholic community has been looking for.

Hold firm. Show love and forgiveness.

And most of all - be prepared to defend yourselves.

And, of course, pray for them.

I Fail, Therefore I Am

Living your faith raises the bar.

It's like setting the high-jump to 12'. God's pretty sure you're not going to make it over, but the plan is for each of us to work hard every day and give it our best shot.

That's how I've been feeling lately.

When I set out to do the Real Catholic Men conference and the associated ministry, I knew I'd be putting a sort of target on my back. Who the heck was I to be taking on this role? What would people think of me if I stumbled and fell for all to see? Would the people of faith afford me the forgiveness and understanding that I need when I fall?

Well, I'm here to tell you that I am human, and that I have been having a hard time lately.

Like many men, there is something in (or around) my heart that is not letting Jesus fully inside. Either that, or that there is so much garbage in there that there is no room for Him. My faith has taken up residence in my mind, but not in my soul. Christ continues to live in the fringe and not at the center of my life. I am trying - don't get me wrong - and I will not give up. But it's difficult.

The relationship that I have with God is much like it is with my wife. She is a saint to put up with me. And I'm sure all of us who are married can pretty much say the same thing. We can be a real pain in the butt. Lately, I have been a HUGE one.

And while I truly love my wife, there are times that I treat her horribly. She deserves better. But I seem to not be able to let her all the way inside my heart, and anger is usually the easiest way to keep her out.

I know my faith and I (for the most part) live my faith, but I am having hard time feeling my faith. I read and pray and confess and pray some more, but the wall is still up.

I have recently found a new spiritual director who I hope will take me further in my understanding of why I am who I am. I am a sinful man, trying to leave that person further behind each and every day - only the distance is not increasing.

This is a life-long endeavor. I will work on it every day until I die. God willing, in end I'll have been made worthy to hear those words: "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done."

Pray for me as I do for all of you.